We all seemed obsessed with finding out everyone’s sexual orientation. I work for a
Loveawake dating site which means that everyone who works here is either female or gay. A new guy started today in the marketing department. He is very clean cut, confident, articulate and neat. Gay..you say. Maybe….but everyone is dying to find out. The gossip over our three level building is whether this guy likes to play with boys or girls. It is rather pathetic. No one cares whether he will be good at his job or what kind of gift giver he is…I always tend to get the worst gifts for Secret Santa. The real important question is what kind of afternoon tea he brings!
The girls are desperate to find a datable heterosexual man. The gay boys hope that he will be cute enough to have a gay intra office romance. But we are all obsessed with the million dollar question…is he gay?
My work colleague Brian has a guide to proving that your male work colleague is gay. These can work on any guy who is neat and confident and who can discuss the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.
1. Casually ask the guy in question over lunch if he has ever had sex with a woman. If he appears uncomfortable, he’s gay. Non-gays like sex with women.
2. Ask your work colleague to jelly wrestle. Then shove him around repeatedly and say things like… “Who’s the tough guy now…you gonna cry …crybaby..” If he cries, he is a great pussy and therefore gay. If he takes it like a man, he is still gay but one of those butch tough-guy gays like a bear or top.
3. Dunk your work colleague into a deep pool of water. If he floats to the top, he is full of buoyant gaymotron (identified as scientists as the gay atoms) and therefore gay. If he sinks to the bottom and drowns, he is a poor swimmer and unathletic and therefore gay. If he begins to sink and then just sorta hangs there using girly wrist motions…he is gay.
Yes…Brian is obsessed with wrestling and contact sports. He also has a bit of a fetish for pain. And yes..he’s gay.
My friend Jodie has a different approach. She has several hints that turn on her gaydar. For example, Guys who........ means, they are gay:
*No kissing
*Great listener
*Likes to Shop
*Looks at your eyes not your boobs
*Likes to Gossip
*Has highlights
*Wears Calvin Klein (aftershave and clothes)
7 out of 7 for me. I guess I’m gay.
Sometimes Google tells you that you are gay. This is the easiest way to find out! For example, UK footballer Ashley Cole asked Google to explain why the search engine thinks he’s gay. When you search for Cole’s name, Google asks if you were really searching for “Ashley Cole gay.” There were rumours in the UK press about allegedly bisexual soccer stars. The papers did not name any names, but people guessed (thanks to Google) they were talking about Ashley Cole.
So when people begain to search for “is Ashley Cole gay?” Google started asking other people who searched for Ashley Cole if they meant Ashley Cole gay!
So…maybe I should Google my new work colleague. It is lunchtime and still no verdict on the new guy's team….maybe he’ll come out at after work drinks!
